This
is the day that I died. You might be wondering how exactly I am able to tell
you this story, don’t worry it will all be revealed in time, but for now I wish
to start you out as I did, with absolutely no information. This journal was
originally something my mother told me to do, she said that it might make me
feel better about leaving if I was able to at least pretend that I was telling
my story to somebody. Who would have known that something big enough would have
happened in my life that I would be sending this in. Since I still do not wish
to be found I have taken out all names.
Sep. 3rd
I
am from a very small town so my transition to a big town 500 miles away from my
home for college was a big deal for me. Others might laugh but I tried my best
to keep some of my home with me. I was lucky enough to get a room all to myself
so I didn’t have to worry about what other people would think when they saw all
the plants, photographs of my home, and the little waterfall thing that my
parents had sent me so that I would have the sound water near me as I did at
home. The last thing is a bit funny and I bet that all the people around me
think that I am the biggest hippie because I always have candles going that
smell like the pine trees and the incenses that my parents had also sent. The funny thing about these incenses was that
they were marijuana scented, my parents thought that they would make me feel at
home. They do. They also made the RA
knock on my door because they think that I’m smoking, which I don’t. It was a
bit hard to explain but all is well now.
Sep. 20th
I
am sorry for neglecting this journal. I really need to set aside more time to
write. I have been so busy lately that I haven’t even been able to open a book
other than a textbook for weeks! I knew that when I chose such a prestigious
school that there would be work, but I truthfully didn’t expect this much. I
was able to take a day trip this past weekend though. I drove till I reached
the empty part of the national park, hiked for a bit on the trails till I left
them in search for a stream which I found in about an hour. It reminded me of
home, always paying attention to the little details so that you could make it
home without getting lost. I sat down next to the stream and tried some of the
water and it reminded me of the water from home. It wasn’t bland like the water
in the cities was, it was the first water I had tasted in a while that had the
taste of nature. I made sure to fill up my canteen so that I would have good
water on my walk back to the car. It was nice to not have that constant buzzing
of the city to do work in. It has been kinda getting to me, I felt like I was
going to go mad. Cities are terrible, they smell bad, most of the people are
rude, there is too much noise, and there is not enough green. I was happy to be
away even if the long drive made me a bit behind. I don’t have the feeling that
I must go home as others do, I just need to get away from the city. I might
even make that trip the woods a weekly thing. We’ll see.
Sep. 23rd
Something
really weird just happened, it might be nothing but I just had to write it.
Last night I cut my finger quite badly while I was cutting up some carrots. I
was extremely tired because I had just gotten back from 10 straight hours of
back to back classes so I was a bit clumsy. That isn’t the point tough. I just
woke up, it’s about 3 am and I was having this crazy dream where I was in this
hospital in the woods, it was weird. What woke me up though was the fact that
somebody came up and stabbed me in my dream. I sat up like crazy and then
realized that there was no pain in my left hand. I turned on the lights and
removed my makeshift gauze and there was nothing there. Nothing but a small
pink line. I guess it is possible that I was just so tired that I had though
that I had cut myself but didn’t. I remember so much blood though, the cut was
an inch long and really deep! At least I thought that it was, I guess it is
possible that I just dreamt cutting myself. I’ll think about it more in the
morning.
Oct. 18th
I
decided that the cut must have just not been as bad as I thought. My mind does
weird things when I am tired so I have decided to just let it go, I have too
much to do to worry about something like that. I was able to go up to the woods
again, this time I brought one of those big glass jugs that you usually see
organic apply cider in so that I could get a bit more of the water. It was a
good idea, this time it was much easier for me to find the stream, I found that
if you leave the trail three turns earlier it is basically a straight shot. The
city has really been getting to me. The other day I stopped this guy from
beating an old woman that wouldn’t let go of her purse. I don’t understand
people here, it’s like the city makes people think that they can do whatever
they like to their fellow man and it doesn’t mean anything. I am happy I was
there though because there were about 15 other people around that did nothing,
they didn’t even look at her when she was screaming for help. I don’t think
that I will be able to stay in this place. It is too much for me to handle. My
at this time bimonthly retreats to the woods is the only thing that is keeping
me sane. I have a couple of big tests coming up so I don’t thing that I will be
writing for a while.
Dec. 2nd
Well,
I was correct about not being able to write. I just feel like this place is
taking away from the things that I really wish to do in life. I don’t have much
time though, I really need to finish this paper. I have been going up to the
woods every weekend though, I don’t understand why I never see any people there
though. With something so beautiful at your fingertips you would think that
people would take advantage of the opportunity that they are given. I guess
city people really are just out of touch with nature. Till next time!
Dec. 17
There
is something wrong with me. I do not even know how to get these words out. I do
not know how to explain.... OK I will start from the beginning. I still don’t
know my way very well around the city so sometimes I make wrong turns. I was on
my way back from the organic store and I made a wrong turn, I was too deep in
thought. Damn I really need to stop doing that. Anyway one moment I was walking
the next this car drives up with some sort of huge machine gun pointing out of
the back window and they fire at they house behind me. I did something stupid
instead of running I ducked under a hedge. Next thing I know there are four
bullets that went though my chest, one in my leg and another in my arm. I knew
that I was dead, there was one going through my heart for christ sake. For
whatever reason it didn’t hurt, I just felt numb lying there on the ground
surrounded by fresh fruit and bullet casings. Then there was this terrible pain
all over my body for about 30 seconds and it was gone. I was afraid to open my
eyes, I didn’t want to be dead, I mean who the hell does. When I finally did I
was in the same place I was before, in the hedge with all the fruit and bullet
casings. I looked at my chest, it was covered in blood but when I felt it there
were no holes, same with my arm and leg. I have no idea what the hell was going
on. I stupidly picked up my fruit and ran away. I ran as fast as I could. I had
no idea where I was but I didn’t stop till I made it back here. After I finish
this I am packing and moving back to the hills, I need to get out of here. I
need to figure this out. I sure as hell don’t want the authorities to find this
out, I will not be a lab rat. I have to leave. All I have to say is today I
died. Now I am alive and running.
Two years
later
March 3rd
I
am fine, I still won’t die. Believe me I have tried. I am not suicidal I just
needed to know if this is temporary or not. I don’t go to the city, ever. I
found that my parents completely understood me leaving. I didn’t tell them
about the, you know, not dying thing, I just said that the city was too much
for me and I felt like I was choking, which was true. They said that I could
take up the family business. I must say, now that I have a couple of successful
harvests in my belt that I have no idea why I didn’t just start growing in the
first place, it is much more sooted to my personality. I get to be around
nature and help other calm down as well. It is good to be home. There are still
some untied ends that I need to figure out about this not dying thing like will
I age? And if I age will I still not die? What will I be like in 200 years? I
guess I will just have to see. I have found someone here, we are so much alike,
it is great to be around someone likeminded. Also they grow so we have doubled
out income. I haven’t told them about my big secret, I don’t really know how to
bring that up. I told them that I would love them till the day that I died,
they told me the same thing, they just don’t realize what a big thing that is
for someone in my situation to say. Life is limitless, let’s see what I can do
with it.
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