I hand over the slightly worn ticket that I had been holding
onto for the last hour. My pulse quickens at the sound of the paper ripping.
The minutes seem to stretch on, like the red staircase before me that vanishes
up into a canopy of clouds. At the sight of those steps I close my eyes. I
remember my childhood, somewhat blurred around the edges, it slowly comes back
into focus.
-------------------------------------------------------
The
tall silhouette of my father was striking against a palette of colors as we
climbed up the stairs towards the entrance. In the lingering air I could
already taste the scent of caramel mixed with the sugary undercoat of cotton
candy. Large, weathered hands wrapped around mine, and everything seemed to
take on a soft golden tone. Enveloped in a cocoon of music and laughter, I was
truly convinced that this was an enchantment which happened only once a year.
As
soon as we had stepped past the gate, I immediately took off running. My father
followed in silent compliance, and his eyes crinkled into a smile every once in
a while. That day, nothing could touch me except for the wonders of Alice in
Wonderland, Dumbo, and the spinning tea cups. Like any eight year old, I felt
nothing but the thrill of excitement as I explored the large, mysterious
grounds.
I
walked until my heels throbbed with exhaustion, until I could hardly contain
anymore. It was a sad moment because I knew I was far from done, there was so
much more to be had, but my ragged breath and spinning head disagreed. I needed
a place to rest, so I chose a flakey green bench. That was when I saw it.
In
front of me was a poster, new and freshly printed, depicting a red staircase
that led up and further up until it was but a small point in the sky. However,
in my childish delight I was more entranced with the fairies that were
scattered about, the yellow and blue and pink dots spilling across. My big
round eyes gazed at the block of white letters that read: The Empyrean, Come
Experience the Wonders of the Sky! There was no doubt in my mind which ride I
was going to take next.
I ran
across to the long queue ahead, my little feet a flurry of movement, with my
poor father trailing behind me. I waited impatiently as the tickets were
purchased, but with a hint of curiosity. Before me there was a board divided
into three different levels, each a different color. The different boxes read:
$10 to ascend to Jack’s Cloud - A quick taste of the world beneath your feet,
$15 to ascend to Sophie’s Cloud - The second layer of clouds is a feast for
tired eyes, and $20 to ascend to Lottie’s Cloud - Ever wonder what heaven feels
like?
I
tugged violently on my father’s sleeve and pointed to Lottie’s Cloud. Of course
now that we were here, I only wanted the best, plus I liked the sound of Lottie
as it rolled off the tip of my tongue, it was much more charming than the name
Jack. So my father bought two blue tickets and off we went. The line was very
long, and there was chattering all around, I heard snatches of conversation
here and there. I was too young to understand most of it, but the words “new
discovery” popped up, and I felt proud to have known what that meant, but the
conversation soon grew beyond my understanding as they talked on, something
about “gravity” and “particles of cloud vapor”. I soon got bored, listening to
what the adults in front of me were saying, instead I was bursting with
excitement and ready to walk on clouds.
We
slowly climbed up the stairs, every once and a while I would look down, the
sight of the amusement park below made me lightheaded. I saw the ant-like
people who were so far away, and the occasional speck of color, which I assumed
were balloons. The trees became so small, and the roads like pieces of string,
twisting and turning. I felt so wonderfully big, as I held out my hand,
pretending to pinch the miniature houses and roller coasters that were so far
below.
It
took a while, but we finally reached the entrance of the ride, small winged
statues greeted us in mid flight. Soon, very soon I would join them and feel
the trails of vapor beneath my feet. My father and I stepped across the gate
and onto a large wooden platform, while behind us people piled on eager to
secure a spot of their own. My ears perked as I heard an announcement from the
speakers drift above the inane babble of the crowd. The announcer recited a few
simple rules and ended with a short reminder for the children to stay close to
their parents. Then came the unmistakeable sound of a loud buzzer reverberating
in the air. The volume of the crowd swelled, as we watched the man in a neon
blue uniform unbuckle the rope at the front of the platform. The people in
front of us moved forward and I too stepped off the platform.
I
felt an unexpectedly cold shock at the bottom of my feet. Below me wisps of
vapor swirled about in a lazy caress, and flashes of color peeked through the
small openings. A soft chuckle stole from my lips, at the clouds that filled
the gaps of my toes and tickled arch of my foot. I was giddy, practically
humming with satisfaction. I drank in every moment of it. From all direction,
beams of slanted golden sunlight filtered through the layer of clouds above. I
all but ran to the next gate. It seemed I couldn’t get to Lottie’s cloud fast
enough.
I
called for my father, my voice echoed into the ringing stillness of the misty
trails. So up we climbed, the colors fading softly from pink, to purple, to a
clear blue sky. I was silent for once, lost in my own thoughts, there was no
breeze up here to disturb the air nor its surroundings, so for a good hour or
so everything stood still in this blanket of white.
The
mist slowly began to break away, until I could see little puffs of white
clouds, baby clouds that clung to their mothers in the elevated plane. I tore a
chunk out of a nearby cloud and made little ball of vapor, throwing it as far
as I could. It was a peculiar sensation, tossing air, I could see it but I
could not feel it. After a while, watching the little ball of cloud drift away from
my vision, I lay down, my weariness washing swiftly over me. Everything was so
impossibly blue, a vibrant clear blue. Such a strong blue, it brought the
inevitable sting of tears to my eyes.
I
felt my father lay down beside me and I heard the steady rhythm of his
breathing. And then I knew, I felt I could just let go, drift away with the
clouds that cajoled and crooned so sweetly. Instead my father’s hands found
mine and I felt the warm, warm pressure of it anchoring me to my body. The
warmth curled up beside me as I lay there with it, my eyes closed. I felt a
deep, true contentment fill the cracks of my skin. I was painted over, fresh
and new like the clouds that surrounded me. Gradually my world became dimmer as
I slipped into sleep.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That
is where my memory ends. I try to hold onto the lingering images still pressed
against the backs of my eyes. But a jolt from the side brings me back to this
present, twenty year old me. My grip loosens, and I watch the memory trickle
away. And before I know it, the line in front is moving again, my legs carried
along with it. I climb up the stairs once more, focusing intently on the worn
red steps passing me by. It is a very long while before I shift my gaze down to
look at the world below me. Everything has changed. There is no longer the warm
sparkling glow, nor musical dance of color and sound. I asked myself whether I
was expecting something. Perhaps I was hoping for a silly old notion, an
enchantment that happens only once a year.
I
reach the top of the stairs to the same gateway, now weathered to a dull gold.
My steps become hesitant, they drag behind slightly. Finally I reach the
platform, but there is no crowd today. Only me and a few other people, children
and their parents. The announcement comes on, it seems to boom loudly, louder
than I remember it, crashing into my ears. The people in front of me begin to
walk, and there is a brief moment where I forget to follow.
I
step out and feel the cold sting of vapor swirling below me. It still
takes me by surprise. And gradually I begin to feel the stirrings of something
shift, a warm comforting feeling that fights its way to the surface. I take my socks
off, and tread barefoot onto the cottony expanse, my feet planted firmly into
this layer of cloud. There are more advertisements now, more than I remember.
But one thing stands out. A board with different colored layers. It reads:
ascend to Lottie’s Cloud - Ever wonder what heaven feels like?
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