I Promise -Na Hyun Kim


Newborn Found on Hawaiian Beach
HONOLULU — A baby girl was abandoned and found crying in the sand at a Hawaii beach soon after she was born, human services officials said Monday. The full-term, 8-pound newborn was abandoned soon after birth.
A woman parked at Sandy Beach in east Honolulu sometime between 11 p.m. Sunday and midnight heard a woman screaming and a man shouting. A few minutes later the screaming stopped and the woman heard a baby crying.
She walked toward the ocean and saw an infant on the sand. The woman took the baby to a hospital. Police are investigating the case as endangering the welfare of a minor and child abandonment.
The baby, who had been found naked, was doing well and drinking formula at the Queen's Medical Center, "We're just very grateful this child is alive and doing well," said one nurse.

The persistent waves of pain rippled through her body. The more she pushed the more her body strained to prepare for the next contraction. The cold bathroom floor was no friend, giving no help to cool her burning skin. His hand squeezing hers gave little comfort. She wanted it out of her. Drenched in sweat, she pushed her free palm onto the smooth tiled floor and gathered all of her remaining strength. As her muscles tensed then eased, the sudden cries of the newborn filled the bathroom.

Their destination was the beach – to leave the infant in hopes that the waves would wash her away. She had never wanted to keep it. She hated what it did to her body and to her life. But as she felt the baby’s young heart beat with new life, she didn’t want to leave her anymore. The way her daughter’s tiny plush hand curled tightly around her forefinger tapped into an unfamiliar, new part of her being. The way she mirrored her features enthralled her. Her sole presence seemed to slightly ease the aching pain in her lower stomach and chest. How could she bring herself to leave this new soul? The little one hadn’t even breathed past her first sunrise yet.

Attempting to cling onto the delicate present, she let her mind drift into the future – their future together. She closed her eyes and pictured all of her daughter’s firsts – her first word, her first laugh, and her first heartbreak.

 She’s 11 years old. She’s had better days. I’m in the kitchen preparing dinner when I hear the front door open and gently close shut.
“Hi, Princess! How was school? Anything new with that boy?” I tease. I listen for her incoming footsteps, but instead I hear them ascending the staircase. Something is wrong. She isn’t her usual self, getting instantly ecstatic at the mention of her first “real” crush. I leave the cutting board and climb up the staircase to knock on her door.
“Go away.” She sounds drained. I let her be for a while. She needs some time to herself for whatever happened. When I come back, her door is slightly ajar — she’s ready to talk. With my hand pushing on the door, I peek my head in.
“What’s wrong?” She lies face down in her canopy bed. I let myself in and sit on her bed.
“Mama, he likes someone else.” She muffles into her pillow.
I cuddle up next to her. “Who could he like more than you?”
“The prettiest in our class.” She sighs.
“Are you kidding? But you’re the fairest of them all!” I tickle her and soon we’re both entangled in a sea of pink blankets and down pillows. I tell her about the many boys who broke my own heart and we try to dull her young heartache with laughter.
Outside, it begins to drizzle and we fall asleep together as the sound of rain envelops us in pleasant stillness.

The steady hum of rain brought her back. The side of her head felt numb from resting on the cold car window for too long. She looked down to see the baby napping peacefully in her arms. She would leave without unwrapping all the gifts life had to offer – a fire’s glow, first snowfall, and her mother’s familiar lullaby. Softly caressing the child’s flushed cheeks, she securely wrapped the blanket around her to keep her warm. She couldn’t help but stifle a whimper at the irony of this gesture. In less than an hour, she would be lying on the harsh shore as the waves licked at her. She could hear her desperately crying for a mother’s safe embrace.
If she weren’t responsible for another life, where would she be now? Certainly, not in this car. Where had her adolescence gone? She remembered when she once pitied the young pregnant girls from high school, now she understood her mistake. She longed for the long nights filled with procrastination and stressing over papers. And she wanted to be safely home with her parents. They had practically cut all ties, but how could she ever entirely resent them? Maybe she did deserve all the chaos in her life. She pushed that thought away. This wasn’t the time or place to get depressed. That was selfish. But, if so, what would she call taking an innocent life for her chance at a new start? She knew she might never be able to forgive herself for what she was about to do.
As these thoughts engulfed her, she heard the muffled crashing of waves from inside the car. Her arms tightened around the baby. She could feel her newfound motherly instinct demanding to take them far away from here. The car slowed to a stop. The silence increased in volume. It’s too soon. It’s too soon.
“Let’s go,” he said. This was the first time he had spoken since they’d left.
“Wait…just a little longer. Please.” She tried to hide the rising panic from her voice.
She stared out the window at the shore. The bright pale moon shined over the inky waters, adorning the sea with its glow. Under the cover of the midnight sky, the rhythmic crashing of the waves taunted her. Why did the sea sound so bloodthirsty? The baby stirred, letting out a small audible yawn, and she gently rocked her back to sleep, back to a gentler world. She couldn’t do this with her awake, with eyes fixed on the ones they took after. I won’t forget you. I promise. She pressed her parched lips to her daughter’s ruddy forehead.
“Let’s go,” she breathed.

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